Project FPS

Hi, I just created this website to document my progress regarding developing the skills to focus, to be present and especially to feel safe.

Focus

I have been struggling with focus all my life, even though I'm a developer and I studied Computer Science. However, I think my lack of focus got worse over the years. Most of the time when I'm trying to focus, e.g. I read a book, there is still a background noise in my head where I'm daydreaming, which is not good... We are living in an era where the skill to focus is getting more and more rare - because of social media like TikTok, Instagram or YouTube. For me, binge watching YouTube is killing my skill to focus, and it also kills my mental health slowly. Currently, I'm doing my masters degree in computer science, and I want (and I need to) be able to focus, otherwise passing the exams will be a struggle. However, also in general, it is important to be able to focus. When I'm working on my company, or when I'm with friends and family.

Presence

Speaking of friends and family, I have a hard time to stay present when talking to people. Because of my lack of focus, I start to daydream very quickly which is not how you connect to people. I want to recover my dopamine receptors to be able to be present with my people, especially with my future wife and my future children. I want to be emotionally available for my future children and for that, you need to present. My kids should know that their dad is also emotionally there, and not just physically. I want that they feel heard and loved. I want that my wife knows that I'm there for her, so she can feel emotionally safe, and not only financially and physically.

Safety

And last but not least, I want to feel safe in my own skin. Here, it is about the nervous system. Having a healed and regulated nervous system is the foundation for all three skills. And feeling safe will nourish the other two skills. Feeling safe is not something that you can develop by thinking about, but you need to feel it. You need to treat it on the emotional level. Maybe, one understand it that one is safe right now, but the nervous system does not understand it (yet). The nervous system needs to FEEL it.

The plan

How do I want to achieve this? I will heal my nervous system with the practice honest sharing (by Gopal Klein Norbert), Somatic Experiencing and Nurosym. All these methods stimulate the vagus nerve which is the core to feel safe and calm. At the same time, I will loose my YouTube (or internet) addiction because the addiction looses its purpose when the nervous system feels safe. And, I will use this blog/journal as my accountability partner. I will update (nearly) every day about my process.

That's it for now.